Lara Parker Interview

Lara Parker Interview

Lara Parker Interview

Author of book Vagina Problems

by: JL Stermer

PROFILES

Yoga Plus Magazine - VAGINA Photo Jon-Premosch wearing clitoris t-shirt
Lara Parker has had vagina problems since she was 14 years old, suffering from constant pain in her abdomen and vagina that got much worse during her period. Figuring everyone was having the same experience and just not complaining about it, Lara kept her extreme discomfort to herself. Each month would get worse as she would throw up, pass out, and miss days of school because of the pain. When she eventually spoke to her doctor, she got the brush off: “Periods are supposed to hurt,” she was told. Lara has spent many years working with multiple doctors and has spent tens of thousands of dollars to get a handle on what’s going on with her body. As a deputy editor at BuzzFeed, Lara shared her experiences online. This fall, her debut book Vagina Problems will give readers a candid look at how she navigates life, sex, work, dating and the pain of putting on jeans when your vagina just hurts.

I’m a huge fan of Lara (and also her literary agent). On the team at New Leaf Literary & Media, I was thrilled to have the opportunity to interview Lara for this issue, especially after working with her to develop and sell this timely and much-needed book.

JL: How would you describe your relationship with your body? How has it evolved over the years?

LP: My relationship with my body now is the best it has ever been. Anyone with a chronic illness can likely understand the feeling of being at war with your own body. I’ve felt like I’ve been at war with mine since I was a teenager. I started experiencing debilitating symptoms when I was around 15. At 28 now, I never thought I would get to the place where I felt that I could put down my armor and sort of be at peace with my own body. But now, most days, I feel that peace. It took a lot of work — years in therapy, meditation, journaling, and just letting myself fucking feel it. But I finally got here. I think the turning point for me was redefining what it meant to be a person with a chronic illness. I had this idea in my head of what life should look like (especially in your twenties) and I had to sort of throw that out the window. I did the same thing with the idea I had in my head about what sex should be. Life for me didn’t have to be climbing mountains or going on amazing vacations to Thailand. Life could also look like me sitting on my couch surrounded by friends as we watch the latest episode of 90 Day Fiance. Sex didn’t have to mean penetration. Sex could mean sitting naked in a bathtub with someone I deeply care about. And once I was able to give myself permission to redefine these things, it was easier for me to stop hating my body so much for what I felt like I was forced to miss out on. Of course I still have bad days. I still have days where I pick that armor back up again and go back to war. But I suppose these days it’s more like small battles and less like a seven year, never-ending war.

JL: You are super candid about the daily physical pain you endure from endometriosis and it seems unbearable at times, but you inspire so many people by being open — were you always this truthful with your partners, friends and family, or was this level of honesty something that grew out of experience?

LP: Absolutely not. It took me a very long time to find the courage to open up about the pain that I felt was eating me alive from the inside out. When I was first diagnosed with endometriosis and then subsequently diagnosed with vaginismus and vulvodynia, I honestly felt like my life was over. I felt so alone, every single day. It was the darkest and deepest depression that I have experienced in my life thus far. And I think a large part of that was because I had no one to talk to about what I was feeling and what was happening to my body every single day. Part of the reason it was so difficult to speak up was because a lot of my issues and pain were centered around my vagina! And that’s not necessarily something you can easily discuss at any given moment. I certainly wasn’t going up to my friends in college and asking them if they had ever cried putting a tampon in. But the more I kept it inside and didn’t talk about it, the more I felt it eating away at me. So one day, I just opened up. And I felt such a sense of relief afterwards. I didn’t even stop to think about the fact that my seventh grade english teacher now knew I wasn’t able to have sex without crying out in pain. I was just so relieved to fucking talk about it. And slowly but surely other people who were suffering with similar issues came out of the woodwork. And suddenly it dawned on me how not alone I actually was in this. I just never stopped talking about it after that. In part because it was such a relief, but also because I wanted it to be less stigmatized so that the next young girl who was going through this didn’t have to feel that hopelessness. So that she could know she wasn’t alone.

JL: Do you have a spiritual practice? Physical or otherwise?

LP: I believe 100% in self-care. So much of the discourse around self-care has sort of been…transformed into this idea of getting a pedicure or whatever. And honestly? I think that’s fine. To me, it’s all about being kind to yourself. If your body is hurting really fucking bad and you’re feeling low and you just want to get your damn toes painted, you should do that. For me it looks different every day. It could be sitting on my couch with cannabis watching my favorite reality TV shows one day, and the next day it could be me taking my dog on a walk. I don’t necessarily consider it spiritual, but it’s been very important for me to find a way to be on my own side during this. And a lot of times that means treating myself well and not denying myself the small pleasures in life.

JL: You get more CBD and weed promo treats than anyone I know!  How has weed affected your outlook on life? Do you partake to escape your body or to have a better understanding of how to live inside of it?

LP: Cannabis has truly transformed my life. I use it for so many different things — pain relief, appetite stimulation, sleep, etc. — and it has helped my symptoms so much more than anything else I’ve ever experienced. But to be honest, a lot of times when I use cannabis it is to escape my body. When I smoke a really good joint during a pain flare, it’s almost like it allows me to float out of my painful body and watch it from above. I am still aware that the pain is there, but it’s harder to care about it when I’m high. It’s harder to focus on it. Instead, I want to focus on the TV show I’m watching or the D-list reality star that I am stalking on Instagram. It’s an escape many days, but an escape that doesn’t take me very far away and doesn’t leave me feeling worse off when I finally come back to my body.

JL: Anyone who follows you knows you are an expert shopper (I heart fitting room selfies). What role does shopping play in your life? How does clothing, lingerie or being in the buff affect how you feel about your body?

LP: Shopping and I have had a tumultuous relationship over the years. For many, many years shopping to me was like a way to pretend I wasn’t sick. I would buy jeans that I knew would murder my vagina and my stomach but I would tell myself, “One day, when you’re feeling better and you aren’t sick anymore, you’re gonna wear these.” I would take the jeans home and put them in my closet and there they would stay. Because I didn’t feel better that week. Or that month. Or that year. And every time I would open that closet door and see those jeans, I would just be reminded of the life and the body that I didn’t yet have, and maybe would never have. These days, shopping is a way to take back ownership of a body that has felt so out of my control for so long. Wearing lingerie allows me to remind myself that I am sexy and desirable and a bad fucking bitch despite the fact that my vagina hurts.

JL: Do you ever wish for a Freaky Friday scenario where you could switch bodies with another person for a day/week/month/indefinitely?

LP: I have wished for this so many times that I’ve lost count. Of course there is a part of me that wishes I could trade places with someone who is able-bodied just to see what it’s like. I want to have pain-free sex. I want to eat a piece of chocolate cake without feeling sick as hell afterwards. I want to run a fucking marathon. I want to swim with dolphins. But I find that wishing for things like this only set me up for failure. So I’ll say that for the most part, I don’t. Not anymore. I’m more focused on my own life and celebrating all the shit I can do that 19-year-old Lara never thought possible.

JL: And lastly, what do you want people who are trying to cope with a chronic illness to understand about how you navigate your journey? And for those who want to be an ally — what basic advice can you share that will help people be supportive of what they don’t truly understand?

LP: Everyone living with any sort of chronic illness has to find their own journey. These journeys are going to look similar, but they don’t always have to be the same. There is no “right” way to live with an illness. You don’t have to eat plant-based or do yoga every day. You can do whatever the hell you want to make yourself happy. I think that’s the biggest (and one of the hardest!) lessons I’ve had to learn on my own journey. And for anyone who wants to be an ally — it’s OK to just sit with us in our pain. I think oftentimes people can become frustrated with a chronic illness because they are unable to “fix” it. There is no cure. There is nothing you can do to fix the medical part of it. But you can be there! You can sit with us in our pain and say, “I am so sorry you have to live with this. But let’s get high and watch TV.”

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What is Reiki?

What is Reiki?

What is Reiki?

By: Melissa Honkanen
By: Sarah Biffen, L.Ac DACM
Photos: Chas Kimbrell
Pillows: Chattra
Yoga Mat: Jade

LIFESTYLE

Yoga Plus Magazine - Life Reiki session

What the heck is Reiki? We sent our friend Melissa to experience a session with Dr. Sarah Biffen and to report back to us about her experience. We also asked Dr. Biffen to share with us what a Reiki experience is like from her perspective, and what you can expect. We share both their perspectives with you here.


REIKI: Students Perspective

By: Melissa Honkanen

“Whoa! I just won Monday!” Or at least that’s how I felt after I completed my first 60-minute Reiki session. Who knew that midday Reiki would prove to be exactly what this gal needed to start the year. Here’s what happened.

Dr. Sarah Biffen was warm and inviting, and I immediately felt at ease in her office. We sat down for an initial consultation, detailing I had no major ailments. She explained that reiki would engage the parasympathetic nervous system, or simply put, our “rest and digest” system, the opposite of our sympathetic nervous system, or our “fight or flight” response. Dr. Biffen iterated that she would be transferring energy using a light and gentle pulsating touch. I was still mystified.

As I settled onto the heated massage table, I couldn’t help but wonder if the experience would feel like a deluxe yoga savasana. The room began to fill with scents of sage and lavender, and an eye pillow was appropriately placed. Although Dr. Biffen highlighted she would use her acupuncture expertise during the session, I knew she wouldn’t be using needles. Could Reiki also target specific medians?

Dr. Biffen began the Reiki session with a sustained light pressure with fingertips on my brow ridge. The sensation made me feel more relaxed. In fact, being so relaxed the entire time, I didn’t peek to check to see what was actually happening. Nonetheless, I surely felt like her entire palm or hand creating an energy force on specific points along my ribs, hip points, calf and knee. The light and sustained pressure exuded a positive, warm and healing energy. The session ended with a light sensation of her fingertips on the knuckle points on my big toes.

Although the reiki session was completely relaxing, I was curious about the energy exchange. Did she realize I felt exhausted? I received a hard yes in our post-Reiki discussion. Dr. Biffen had absolutely sensed my energy was depleted. I was impressed. As Nikola Tesla famously said, “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

Are you ready to let the power of reiki balance your energy? Here are 10 tips to help you enjoy your Reiki experience.

  1. No Shoes, No Socks, No Worries

I discovered that Reiki is best with exposed feet. However, I am sure Dr. Biffen would have made an exception if requested.

  1. Mindful Breathing

Slow it down. Let your breath move deeper and slower.

  1. Meditate

The Reiki table is definitely an opportunity for meditation as well as relaxation.

  1. Aromatherapy

Dr. Biffen allowed a choice. I love lavender!

  1. Vulnerability

There were definitely moments I felt vulnerable and unsure of what would happen next. If you feel triggered, don’t hesitate to tell your Reiki practitioner.

  1. Ghost Hands

I felt the phenomenon of the Reiki practitioner’s hands on my body after they’d been removed. Crazy!

  1. Tummy Rumbles

‘Tis a rest-and-digest experience, so I appreciated that Dr. Biffen alerted me that my stomach may rumble. It did!

  1. Emotional Release

She mentioned I may have an emotional release within 24 hours after a Reiki session. I didn’t notice any particular emotion, but I did feel more energetic.

  1. Water

Dr. Biffen recommends drinking lots of water afterwards. Let any toxins be released.

  1. Follow-Up

Expect a neat follow-up email from her detailing how to increase the benefits of Reiki.


REIKI: The Teachers Perspective

By: Sarah Biffen, L.Ac DACM

The origins of Reiki begin a long way from New York City. Roughly translated from Japanese to mean “universal life energy,” this increasingly popular form of light or non-touch energy work was developed by Dr. Mikao Usui. Revealed to him by way of his own spiritual quest, Dr. Usui sought to find a form of medicine accessible to all. Introduced to the United States by Hawayo Takata in the 1930s, it dwelled quietly among the American public for decades.

By the time I connected with this practice 10 years ago, the quietness of Reiki in American culture had elevated to a murmur. While it was often recognized in wellness circles as an effective energy therapy, it had yet to develop a popular understanding. In fact, I feel it’s safe to say it was still largely considered “fringe.” When I first sought out training, the options were limited and relatively difficult to find, even in a progressively-minded hub like New York City. Finally settling on a small training group held in an Upper West Side apartment, I received my first attunement and certification.

The landscape has changed drastically within that time, as people continually seek out complementary therapies. With a wellness industry nearing $5 trillion, Reiki has rightfully attained a place within the American cultural consciousness. It has gone from “woo woo” to an increasingly recognized form of adjunct therapy. Now you can find Reiki trainings in the city with relative ease, with the therapy widely offered by private practitioners, at wellness centers and even hospitals. The word is officially out, and even the government is taking note. Several intriguing National Center for Biotechnology Information(NCBI) studies are examining Reiki’s efficacy in controlling heart rate variability, decreasing cortisol levels and regulating body temperature. In short: tackling burnout.

Reiki was only the beginning of my healers’ journey. Shortly thereafter diving headfirst into a master’s degree in acupuncture and Chinese medicine. However, a Reiki practice remained throughout, and enabled me to course correct my own burnout along the way. Now, as a private practitioner, I often incorporate this healing modality into my work. Having an extensive background in Chinese medicine, and primarily working as an acupuncturist, I’ve been able to recognize the synergistic relationship between these two forms of medicine. Reiki like acupuncture is a powerful tool to stimulate the meridian channels of the body. This partly works by activating the parasympathetic nervous system (our “rest and digest” functions) and calming our sympathetic nervous system (our “fight or flight” responses). I often give clients the example of a tried-and-true test of patience in New York City: the subway system. Not only do our meridians comprise our body’s circulatory, lymphatic and metabolic transit systems, but a backup on one will almost assuredly inhibit the others. Easing flow within meridians is crucial for systemic health, and these interventions nurture an optimal healing environment.

Proprioception is another important mechanism in Reiki response, and one I like to draw attention to in my discussion with clients. This is our body’s innate ability to sense where and what it’s doing, without us having to actively think about it. It’s sometimes lovingly referred to as our “sixth sense,” and I like to think of it as part of our aura. This hardwired extra-sensory perception is sensitive to the intention of what is in our personal field. Again, thinking back to the subway. We may walk on to a train feeling wonderful, but if that’s not the general vibe, you will almost certainly walk off feeling very different. Even without physical aggression. The same goes for who and/or what is in our sensory field. Reiki therapy partially works by tapping into that innate DNA-level intelligence.

Being such an individualized experience, the reactions of each client are incredibly personal. For this reason, I like to be in touch with patients both before and after Reiki treatments. Offering guidance on how to prepare and what to expect. Here you’ll find some of my favorite tips for before and after your treatment. Always remembering that we are our greatest healers.

How to Prepare:

  • Have a light meal. Don’t arrive hungry or incredibly full.
  • Wear comfortable, preferably unrestrictive, clothing.
  • Avoid caffeine and alcohol consumption both before and after treatment.
  • Keep an open mind!

Post-Reiki Self-Care:

  • Stay Hydrated: be sure to drink lots of non-caffeinated fluids for the rest of the day. This continues to help fluid metabolism and lymphatic drainage in your body. Plus, water is an excellent energetic conduit.
  • Nourish Yourself: a sense of hunger post-Reiki is not uncommon. Be sure to listen to your body and nourish it with a healthy snack or light meal in the hours following your session.
  • Gentle Movement: Moving your body with light activity and gentle stretching is an important way to increase the calming effects of your treatment and continue to clear the mind. This can take the form of a long walk, restorative yoga or simply stretching at home.
  • Meditation and Mindfulness: Buzz words these days, but for good reason. The benefits of these mental states are being studied, and are widely shown to increase mental function and clarity throughout the day. This practice offers the perfect support for Reiki treatments.
  • Go With the Flow: Reiki can bring up various emotional responses. This looks different for everyone and is often something dormant that’s finally able to release. Don’t fear this: our bodies and minds need an emotional release. I find it helpful to channel this into whatever creative way speaks to you. Find something that is relieving for you to express. Whatever helps you relax and reflect.
Yoga Plus Magazine - Life Reiki session
Yoga Plus Magazine - Life Reiki session
Dear Rina Column

Dear Rina Column

Dear Rina Column

by Rina Jakubowicz
TRENDING
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Dear Rina is an advice column with the angle of helping and giving guidance with the yoga teachings in mind. You will see how the teachings are applied in a practical way towards different topics.

During the pandemic, her work shifted to helping people manage their lives and choices better by giving them guidance and helping them think through their challenges in different ways. Here’s some testimonials to see how helpful her advice has been for others. Perhaps, she can help you too! Please email rina@rinayoga.com or DM her on iG via @rinayoga if you want your question(s) answered.

Dear Rina,
How do I feel sexy again and regain my confidence after a breakup? What are some practices you can share?
Rebuilding in Ft. Lauderdale

Dear Rebuilding in Ft. Lauderdale,

Your sexiness and confidence should never have been placed on a relationship or a partner. So regardless of whether you’re single or not, your sexiness and confidence ideally is alive and pumping! 🙂 Buuut, since we are learning how to do this in reference to a fresh break-up, our first thing to keep in perspective is that this break-up is for the best. I know it’s hard to live this way because we are attached and feel so many emotions. Take it one day at a time. When you are not attached, you can move freely and lovingly. Plus of course, you can see and understand clearly. A mental practice for you: As soon as an emotion pops up, just observe your emotion and say “Hello (insert emotion). You can pass by, but not stay.” Don’t get caught up in the emotion. Don’t look at old pictures, social media, emails, texts etc. Place your worth on yourself and not on your partner. Follow up your “Hello…” with a positive affirmation. For example, “I am already full on my own.” A Physical Practice for you: Masturbate thinking of yourself. Turn yourself on by yourself. Don’t think of anyone else. Make yourself the sexiest mofo alive in your eyes!” Yaaaaas Queen!

Dear Rina,
How do I initiate sex without feeling silly and uncomfortable?
Love,
Shy in Los Angeles

Dear Shy in Los Angeles, 

A sensual woman never feels uncomfortable or silly asking for what she needs and wants. In fact, she’s empowered by it. Not because she’s going to get what she wants, but because she’s empowered by voicing her truth. Consider how you’d like to be approached when your partner wants to initiate sex. Playful yet assertive is sexy. So step up and act that way with them too. Especially since men tend to be visual so if you’re awkward and uncomfortable, they won’t register that as a sexy initiation. Depending on your relationship, you could voice your discomfort if you feel your partner will receive it respectfully and do what they can to make you feel safer and more comfortable. The way to get over it at first is to fake it until you make it… pretend you’re comfortable and confident and eventually you will be. You got this!

Yoga-Plus-Magazine - Dear Rina bio photo
Rina Jakubowicz, founder of Rina Yoga and Super Yogis, is known for her vibrant and uplifting approach for students of all ages. She has been teaching yoga in English and Spanish for over 20 years and has been a featured presenter at Wanderlust Festivals, Yoga Journal Conferences, Kripalu Center, Himalayan Institute, Omega Institute, Yogaville, Sedona Yoga Festival, Telluride Yoga Festival and Mammoth Yoga Festival. Rina is the best selling author of “The Yoga Mind: 52 Essential Principles of Yoga Philosophy to Deepen Your Practice” and has an international following in the U.S., Chile, Puerto Rico, Mexico, South Korea and Andorra. Rina’s yoga videos are found on Headspace, Fabletics, Gaia TV, Yoga Journal Online, Yogisanonymous.com and Udaya, and she is the yoga expert on Univision’s Tu Desayuno Alegre. She has twice appeared on the cover of Yoga Journal in the US and in Spain, and has been featured in Yoga Journal Russia. You can find Rina in Origin Magazine, Mantra Magazine, Glam Belleza Latina, Revista Mujer, MindBodyGreen and other publications worldwide. Rina is grateful for her teachers Swami A. Parthasarathy, Sarkis Vermilyea and Ceci Lester. She lives in Los Angeles and Miami with her husband Eric and Rhodesian Ridgeback dog, Roo.
THE YOGA WAY – NJ

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PARTNER

THE YOGA WAY

thewholechildnj.com

The mission of our center is to create a safe, supportive and soul nurturing place to practice and study yoga therapy for each and every individual, to encourage life-long learning, foster creativity and self-understanding, and to promote a happy and healthy lifestyle. Students receive services in private therapeutic session and/or in small groups. They all discover the joy of movement, peace, joy and love of life. For many families with children with special needs, it’s a life changing experience.

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Queens, NY 11375

18 Elm Street
Morristown, NJ 07960

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KOVE YOGA

KOVE YOGA

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KOVE YOGA

KOVEYOGA.COM

Kove Yoga offers breathwork, meditation, and yoga in a laid-back, community-based studio. No matter the age or experience level, we offer yoga that will work for everybody. Our programs remain authentic to ancient yoga tradition while seamlessly integrating today’s popular styles.

KOVE YOGA

244 E Main Street
Hillsboro, OR 97123

244 E Main Street
Hillsboro, OR
97123

info@koveyoga.com

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