LOVE SPOTLIGHT: SARA CUNNINGHAM – FOUNDER OF FREE MOM HUGS

When we learned about the amazing organization Free Mom Hugs, we knew we needed to spotlight it and the founder Sara Cunningham in our LOVE themed issue. Sara began her journey of becoming an advocate of the LGBTQIA+ community through her relationship with her gay son, and founded Free Mom Hugs a 501(c)(3) non profit organization in 2018 to accept, love and support the LGBTQIA+ community and to fight for human rights for all.

We invited our friend Shari, a mom, yoga teacher and founder of Karma Kids Yoga to interview Sara about her work, her family, and what she has learned about love.

Shari:
Tell me the story of how you founded Free Mom Hugs, from your heart.

Sara:
Free Mom Hugs was birthed from an experience that I had at the Oklahoma City Pride Festival. When my youngest son Parker was 21, he came out to my husband and I, and I didn’t take the news very well. He tried to come out his whole life, but I wasn’t having it. I just manipulated the conversation, refused to acknowledge or even offer him the space to have that conversation. I thought it was a phase. It was a very difficult time for our family, and I’m very transparent about that in hopes of keeping other families from going through what I put my family through.

Shari:
This actually makes you so much more inspiring to me. I didn’t know that, and I appreciate your courage to share this.

Sara:
Moms learn from other moms, right? At the time, I thought I was the only mom with a gay kid in Oklahoma because nobody talked about it. Both our children were raised in a very conservative, mainstream church. We absorbed this idea that homosexuality is wrong, in need of fixing, unforgivable and should be condemned. I could not reconcile my faith with what I had absorbed—that homosexuality was the ultimate of sins—and that if I accepted my son, that made me just as much of a sinner as he presumably was. I was frozen in that fear that he was going to burn in hell.

Matthew Shepard, a young gay man in Laramie, Wyoming, was beaten and left for dead. That happened around the time that Parker was in his adolescence. So not only was I worried about his salvation, I was worried about him being treated badly and beaten, or left or dead.

Because I am a woman of faith, I needed to hear from someone who shared my faith that it’s okay to search the matter out. When you do, you get educated on things like the history of human sexuality, science, evidence and ultimately stories from the gay community and gay Christians. That really convinced me and changed my heart and my soul towards the community to believe that this is a gift from God to be celebrated. What a beautiful gift my son brings to our family and the community, to the world around us.

When Parker came out of the closet, that’s when I went into mine. I am transparent about these things because I believe there’s a mom out there like me then, who needs to hear from a mom like me now. As he came out of his closet and began living authentically, I saw him happy and healthy. Before, everything was a compromise. He would self-harm, was depressed, and had anxiety. It wasn’t sudden. It was a journey. To see other people accept him as he was, put me in check as a parent.

When my son came out, he invited his dad and I to go to the Oklahoma City Pride Festival in 2014. That was my first real interaction with the gay community, and I fell in love. I saw such a sense of community and love and acceptance. I mean, the rainbow was everywhere.

“The first hug I gave went to a beautiful young woman who said it had been four years since she got a hug from her mother because she’s a lesbian. I whispered in her ear as I embraced her, “I love you, I’m so proud of you, I’m glad we’re here together, and I want you to enjoy this day with your friends.” 

At the Oklahoma City Pride Festival the next year, I made and wore a homemade button that said, “Free Mom Hugs.” When anyone made eye contact with me, I would ask, “Can I offer you a free mom hug?” The first hug I gave went to a beautiful young woman who said it had been four years since she got a hug from her mother because she’s a lesbian. I whispered in her ear as I embraced her, “I love you, I’m so proud of you, I’m glad we’re here together, and I want you to enjoy this day with your friends.” From that experience, I started the non-profit, Free Mom Hugs. This logo is recognized worldwide now, and it sends a message that I’m a safe ally. I am advocating, educating and sharing conversations like this to make the world a safer place for people and families like ours.

That was a pivotal moment in my life. While I have a 10th grade education, I self-published a book titled, How We Sleep at Night: A Mother’s Memoir. My son designed the cover. When you go to sleep, it’s quiet, and you’re trying to solve everything in your mind. That’s when I was frozen in my fear thinking my son was going to hell. It was terrifying. Nighttime was the hardest time for me. Throughout that year, I just got more plugged in with the community and began serving. I’m not the first mom to offer hugs at a pride festival. But we didn’t realize the magnitude, the reaction, the response that we would get. None of us could have predicted that.

Shari:
Do you have any dads showing interest?

Sara:
Yes. We sell Free Dad Hug T-shirts, and all are welcome to be a part of Free Mom Hugs. I love it because it offers a platform for people to show up and do something. We require that you be fully affirming, and that means that you will celebrate the community, honor same-sex marriage, same-gender marriage.

Shari:
I’m hopeful again, I feel like the rainbow keeps shining. No one’s going to dampen that colorful sparkly rainbow. Love will always win.

Sara:
In my home, I think it’s a perfect symbol. You’re right, love does win. There’s power in fear and ignorance, and there’s power in love and education. 

In the story of Noah and the Ark, the rainbow is a symbol of God’s love to everyone. The last chapter in my book was inspired by standing at the Pride Festival with Parker. I write about the rainbow and how I didn’t understand the significance at the time. I went to my first Pride parade, saw the sea of color in hair, shirts, flags and banners. It’s just love everywhere—it was like a whole new world. I looked to the heavens and I said, “Thank you, God, that I am the one changed.” I went there looking for God’s favor, and I think God’s promises for everyone. In addition to it being a symbol that represents a beautiful community, in the spiritual aspects for me, it’s the perfect symbol because God’s love is for everybody.

Shari:
What’s your proudest moment since founding Free Mom Hugs?

Sara:
The transgender Valentine’s banquet. I went to a meeting that I thought was for high schoolers’ families like ours at the time, but it turned out to be for the adult transgender community. I’d never been in the same room with a transgender person, that I know of, until that day. I stayed to hear everyone’s stories because I was curious. At the end of that meeting, I went out to my Jeep and I cried hot tears. These are beautiful, misunderstood people, and how different their lives could be if they just had healthcare, an opportunity to earn a living and take care of their families. It was just devastating what I learned, so from that experience, we created a transgender Valentine’s banquet that’s free to the community and all who love and support them.

Now, through Free Mom Hugs, we have chapters in every state. The transgender Valentine’s banquet is nationwide because right now, the transgender community is just facing a wrath of horrible, dangerous, deadly bills, even in our state. 

Shari:
Do many try to stay connected with you, email you or send you Mother’s Day cards?

Sara:
Yes, I’ve been a stand-in mom. I had a social media post go viral when I started officiating weddings. One night at a rehearsal dinner, I heard how the parents were refusing to come to the wedding, and so I made a social media post that said, “If your biological mom won’t come to your same-sex wedding, then you call me. I’ll be there. I’ll bring you the bubbles.” This caught the attention of actress Jamie Lee Curtis, and we got to talking. She found out about my book, and now she has acquired the rights to the book, and she’s going to make a movie. 

Shari:
Wow. So you kind of addressed my very last question: What’s next for you? 

Sara:
I always thought we would be the bridge between the church and the gay community, but I couldn’t get anybody from the church to meet with the gay community. So we started pouring into the community, being that loving presence in the lives of those who’ve been alienated the most, and their families—that’s the fruit of Free Mom Hugs. 

We got attention from Vera Bradley, and after Jamie Lee Curtis made a donation, I quit my job to do this full time. We go on tour and have chapters in every state who are doing just what I did back then, only even better, loving on the community. 

Shari:
Is your son still involved in your work?

“I hope to be a symbol of hope to families, that it doesn’t have to be a difficult conversation. It doesn’t have to be devastating. I want to share our story. There can be a resolve, and you can have an authentic relationship with your child.”

Sara:

We actually tour together. I hope to be a symbol of hope to families, that it doesn’t have to be a difficult conversation. It doesn’t have to be devastating. I want to share our story. There can be a resolve, and you can have an authentic relationship with your child.

Shari:
One last question, the theme of this issue is LOVE, can you share with us what you have learned about love?

Sara:
Love is fruit. It’s lasting. It’s empowering, it’s nurturing. It’s healing. Love gives life. Love lifts up. Love wins.

Order Sara’s book How We Sleep At Night: A Mother’s Memoir on Amazon